[ Size Five ]

Has Moved

2010-02-12T08:35:00.002+11:00

After gazillion attempts to full export this blog, it's finally successful.
The move is more managerial than anything as I share a group blog also.

For future reading fun (not really) please go to: SiveFive

Cheers.

Too Chinese Apparently

2010-01-11T19:32:00.003+11:00

So I spent nye reading a book. Not just any book, an autobiography.
And I spent new year day finishing aforementioned book.
It was good. I don't regret it. Whatevs.

And then my uni friends and I decided to take a roadtrip to rural australia for the weekend. Whereby I learnt that I cannot cook much .. besides salad. Heck, that's not even cooking. There were a few funny encounters. It is like the town is in asian-shock. In the park, we were greeted with "Anyoung! Ni hao ma!" I am neither korean or chinese.

A couple of days later I travelled to the highlands. It's quite beautiful, the colourful foliage in the autumn and spring makes it retirement town.

So my parents being the partay animals that they are, decided they'd outparty me and stay out even later. I went to sleep at 330am with the front door deadlocked (because I'd forgotten and not out of spite ok) only to wake up to the sound of rocks been thrown at the window, thirty-five missed calls and half a dozen voicemail. Guess who.
There's something wrong with this picture.
Oh, and I found out later my dad has climbed the balcony attempting a break-in. Fail.

If I haven't proven to you that I'm lame yet - I may be playing golf and lawnbowls this weekend. Hurrah!

'Tis The Season To Be Jolly

2009-12-29T21:02:00.006+11:00

If I've said this already, I'll say it again. I love this time of the year.
More specifically, I love Christmas and all the days leading up to it.
It usually demands little sleep and lots of running around.

Where my time went since the last time I posted:- drove to the beach post-exams.
- played ping-pong badly (thank goodness no photographic evidence of that)
- played mahjong equally badly
- DMMs over late-night ice-creams
- christmas carolling at the nursing homes
- cupcakes

- bbq meat on skewers production line
-carols & songs around the crib
- bargain finds that make the day :)
- too many hours of choir practice
- a southern hemisphere Christmas.. at 34 degrees celsius!
- oh yeah, and passed ze exams
- retreat to the beach for the weekend with kind strangers which gave me the seabreeze, silence, and conversations that I needed to hear.
- yet more charity dinners

Tired today. Will post more substantially soon.
In the meantime, Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!

One Soul-ar Cycle of Searching

2009-10-27T17:50:00.006+11:00

Today I handed in my forms and admin papers for my final rotation of the year. It has been my first year of clinical exposure. The feelings of incredulity still linger as I write this entry, I cannot believe how fast it has gone. Indeed, the past ten months have raced on leaving me with much mixed emotions and nostalgia for some reason.

Perhaps because I've come to know that I'm grown up. That I have responsibilities. That I am accountable. That I can no longer run.

With a year that has brought me to places I've never been before, within and without myself, I do not know where to begin. Shall I start with the bureaucracy of the system? The wonderful volunteers and professionals I met in the community working for the underprivileged? The dying geriatrics with so many issues, not least of all depression? The marvel of the inflating lung during cardiothoracic surgery? The twenty-something friend diagnosed with lung Ca? The funeral for a twenty-one year-old? The buzz of being able to answer your consultant's questioning? The sudden and unexplained lost of what could have been a wonderful friendship? The swimming sea of mountainous work? The forging of new friendships and the fading away of old ones? The loneliness of being alone. The unexpected and unrequited courtship? The demands of a higher calling?

And perhaps this is why it feels like a year of rollercoaster rides.

I've come to realise that embracing this profession means accepting that there will be moments where you will be lonely, even if you are not alone. Especially when you are not alone. It is lonely because it demands so much of your life away from friends, families and people and places you care about. It is lonely because you place yourself at the most intimate and poignant moments of a stranger's life and then it is expected of you to walk away afterwards. Nobody ever teaches you how to deal with that. So you carry it with you. I hate goodbyes but am grateful for the privilege of meeting.

Without supportive people who are in the same boat, my outlook on this year may have been very different. Because of them, I am encouraged.
Without a source of constancy in my life, this year would be meaningless. But it was not.
For even the smallest crack in the wall is enough to allow the light to enter.

It's been a year that has taken me to polarising emotions. How strange it is to reflect on my tiny place in this world. What wonder!

So the words to sum up this year:
Inspiration.
Fear.
Joy.
Humbled.
Bittersweet.
Incomprehension.
Laughter.
Driving.
Questions.
Path.
Fleeting.
Books.

Breaking The Silence

2009-09-11T16:31:00.002+10:00

I know I haven't blogged in awhile. What can I say, life got busy I guess. It's been an emotionally and physically draining few months. I could go into all the dramatic turmoils, epiphanies and self-discovery journey blah blah that's been this year. Let's not, or we could be here for awhile.

Anyway, ward work and the teams has kept me busy so there isn't a lot of reflection to begin with. One thing I like about it has been the routine it's given me, which is also the same thing I hate - I have troubles saying goodbye. Seven-thirty on a friday night and I can't seem to tear myself away from the team and our septic patient because I can't muster the guts to say I need to go home. Call that abandonment issues, whatever.

This is turning out to be one boring entry. Huh.
I'll write more later when I am more articulate.

Keep On Keeping On

2009-06-26T22:32:00.002+10:00

It's been awhile. Why haven't I updated? Life.
My good friend reminded me to do so again.With all that has happened, there hasn't been a chance to process it all and it's come to a point where there is so much inside and it's starting to get to me.

First of all, the beginning of something that may have been wonderful and the end of it. Realising that no matter how hard you try, reality catches up with you and then finding out you have already chosen the path to take long before without even knowing. When choosing to do med.

At the expense of being ungrateful for the opportunity that's been given to me, I'll say it; medicine is sacrifice. So much sacrifice. So much so that I've been ruminating thoughts of whether it is worth it, and the answer has always been the same. Yes. Don't ask me why, I cannot explain it yet. Still, a part of me feels like I'm mourning the intangible loss, the "what ifs".

So I guess this is my closure. Thank you for everything.

As for my clinical experience, it's been an amazing journey so far. It is a privileged world that one steps into, and it is a brotherhood of the pursuit of good (most of the time). However, I don't feel like talking about it now. It is becoming too much of my life already.

Sometimes I envision the future and I hope it will all fall into place. I sincerely hope to be amongst the ones with something special that survives anything. Need to trust more.

What A Week!

2009-04-17T23:34:00.003+10:00

Five deadlines later... I am grateful to have completed them by the same day.
In the midst of the race with time, I found out one of my friend has lost motivation for studying and deferred. In moments of stress, it made me question myself too - and that scared me a little.
What I do have, is hope that when I do bounce back, my resilience is stronger than previously. And that keeps me going.
Love keeps me going. And grace sustains me.
What this community rotation has done for me, above all else, is that it has made me love humanity more than I ever have.

Chesterton proposes an amazing paradox that I believe is so true and so accurate.

Can he hate [the world] enough to change it, and yet love it enough to think it worth changing? Can he look up at its colossal good without once feeling acquiescence? Can he look up at its colossal evil without once feeling despair? Can he, in short, be at once not only a pessimist and an optimist, but a fanatical pessimist and a fanatical optimist?

Point My Way

2009-04-11T16:33:00.002+10:00

Funny Way of Showing Affection

2009-04-04T21:31:00.002+11:00

Spent four hours today with possibly my favourite people. One reason that makes me pain over growing old too quickly.
This is my second favourite season of the year. When we share the most of our lives with each other in the community.
Struggling to express anthropological issues that plague our time. Help.
Struggling with self.
Eating cold chips and always hoping the next piece is salted.
Tomorrow belongs to you.

A Tangential Learning Curve

2009-04-02T15:25:00.003+11:00

Had my first grand round ever today! Thank you psychiatry. I will probably never forget BPSD now. Don't think I can say the same for bipolar disease and the intricacies of an fMRI machine. Yes, I was indeed fighting sleep and thank you for solving the mystery of the red carpet!
Nonetheless, I sat there and admired the fluidity, articulation and harrowingly complicated presentation. In between drifting off and dreaming of patients that day. (Did I mention I dreamt of bandaging my own leg ulcer a couple of nights ago???)

Moving on.
In the middle of a video conference call today i.e. tribunal hearing for one of the patient, her BPSD and in particular, behavioural problems were outlined. A thought occurred to me. Now, if these bizarre behaviours are manifestations of disinhibition of the prefrontal cortex...what do "normal" human beings carry around in their minds usually??

Another thing of note, pharmacotherapy for psychogeriatric patients is amazingly complex. They both challenge and frustrate you, and I think that's what makes it exciting.

I'm happy to call it a fruitful day. My world expanded a little more, the shades of gray became grayer but I love it all the same.

Small Victories

2009-04-01T11:09:00.002+11:00

Being a lowly third year, the commonest paranoia for me would have to be the "what if I never get there and won't be able to diagnose Px or treat with confidence" feeling everytime one cracks open a textbook, read, and get overwhelmed by the ENORMITY of the body of knowledge (thank you Robbins, you are both a blessing and the source of my self-doubt).

So it was kinda a good thing when every once in awhile one is able to pick up something in the clinic. I diagnosed BPPV and an inguinal hernia this week.

Other stuff I've been up to:

- magistrate/tribunal hearings for psychiatric patients as part of the Mental Health Act
- starting the lit search for suicide research
- venipunctures
- IM injections
- subcutaneous ones
All this before even starting hospital full-time.. I'm both excited and apprehensive at once.

It is these small victories that reaffirms my -dareisay- "passion" for the field. Ok fine, I will probably never reach the passionate state for it, but it does renew my motivation and interest, especially when you realise every story is a human story, and every disease is personal to someone. It's a strange feeling when one sits through a consultation that starts off with jokes, smiles and laughter and then progress to an almost unforeseen emotional breakdown. And it is these cases that makes one feels helpless and out of control. There are things completely out of our control.
I think it'll be a hard thing to deal with that, when you realise that you have nothing more to offer the patient. We treat, but it is Another that cures. It's humbling, and I hope I never forget that.

A Room With A View

2009-03-26T08:08:00.005+11:00

So I've spent now three weeks in my new rotation at a psychiatric hospital. I have enjoyed it because it has opened my eyes to a lot of fascinating faces of medicine. The place is also unique in that it was one of the first - if not the first- institution for psychiatric patients. Some of the buildings were built by convicts and the patients themselves in the earlier day, so a lot of the architecture has a distinct colonial feel to it. And I love this vintage stuff. Here's a photo to illustrate my love affair with archaic and asbestos-laden buildings.

This used to be the living quarters of the medical superintedent in the old days. The house over looks the river with beautiful greeneries and just.. so AWESOME!

Anyway, in between HIMYM procrastination, placement and the rest of my life, it struck me that i'm on a sliding scale into trivia knowledge oblivion. It started with not knowing what was on TV, then it moved to music and now, I have no idea what movies are in cinemas. Is that scary?
It is a little ,that I'm detaching from the world. At least I still know that there are problems in the Middle East but I guess that's only because I'm cheating and know that there will always be trouble in the Middle East.

Speaking of another part of the world, my clinical buddy (who has lived in multiple countries and have been to all continents except one) and I have been discussing the notion of living and working in other countries and culture. And for the first time, I am entertaining the idea. It's strange where life takes you, but it is stranger when your view on life changes too and your horizons are broaden by ideas that you thought you would never have.

I may just be another young, idealistic twenty-something who wants to change the world because leftist social groups in tertiary education institutions say I can. Or I may really have found my calling.
Or I may morph into this bureaucracy-loathing, part-of-the-system, cynical clone in the profession.

Whatever it is, I am happy to have the possibilities.

I'm Gonna Be A Supermodel..Not Gonna Eat Today Or Tomorrow..

2009-03-09T22:21:00.004+11:00

Things I've learnt from my first day in the new rotation:
- doctors do not eat
- they survive on a wide selection of beverage being coffee, coffee and coffee
- stab harder and faster
- there is a wonderful thai&laos restaurant nearby
- must revise anatomy
- misses my last clinical buddy, that's you sand-pand!

Saying Goodbye

2009-03-04T14:50:00.004+11:00

So my first rotation finished last night, not that there were any tears but I am sad nonetheless. Sometimes, when we meet the many faces of humanity, we are left feeling that the answer to all our problems are so simple. No matter our creed, our beliefs, our race, our capabilities, our disabilities, our knowledge, our potential knowledge, our life, or our potential life, if we only recognise the one humanity that we share, things can be so simple.
It is easy to connect, to become affective, and difficult to say goodbye, a bit like the bittersweet feeling of watching our hero going on alone into the wilderness leaving behind all.

It is particularly peculiar of a feeling to step outside the chain of knowledge and watch the passing of generations. In this field, it is the passing of knowledge, of stories, and essentially, of life. It's overwhelming and the image of a grandfatherly figure teaching us the ropes, reminiscing back into "those days..", I will not forget.
And with all this knowledge gathered through hardwork and sacrifice over the many centuries, sometimes I am curious and wonder what the ones who have gone before would say if they can see where we are today. Would they be proud of our progress and how far we've come? What would they make of the separation of the pursuit of knowledge and the common good?

Time To Make Mud

2009-02-24T23:53:00.002+11:00

This research block has been really free and I feel like I'm away from real medicine a bit but it has been good to me. It keeps things in context.
Anyway, tonight was quite busy and we were on our feet the whole night. Multiple facets of life; babies, children, teenagers, adults, elderly. :)

Explain

2009-02-11T17:13:00.000+11:00

One Thing Leads To Another

2009-02-10T15:31:00.003+11:00

I'll try and update this more frequently from now on. After all, this thing was started with the intention that it shall be a record of my experiences of clinical education in mind, albeit it won't be the only thing recorded.

My first rotation is research and so far it's been interesting. I've decided to work on refugee health and will be meeting with the [state's name] Refugee Health Services tomorrow. Although this rotation does not contain much content in terms of clinical medicine, it has been an eye opener. Coming into contact with the array of services just in our local government area alone has been overwhelming.

It made me realise a curious nature of human society. We go to such lengths to help those in need in such a disinterested manner. It's amazing. Throughout all the articles, legislations and policies that I have read, it is often stated as fact: that refugees have mental health issues and it must be cared for. The question was, why? What drives any such concerns? I guess one can argue on the need to maintain a cohesive and functional society, yet, I wonder why a society would choose to adopt displaced people, set up services to help them resettle and provide ongoing care when the return per capita to the state is uncertain and unspecified?

Because I cannot logically answer the above questions in terms of economic, social or structural advantages, I must settle that it is goodwill and the human spirit innate desire for good, for justice and for compassion. Given these desires are sometimes twisted or lacking in some, I'm glad that the ideal of the common good is still with us.

Sometimes, we do not have enough light to see our path to the end, or maybe to even see the middle ground, sometimes we just have enough light to see our next step. And perhaps, that is all we really need. One step will lead to the next. :)

This year, I shall trust more.

Bottom Of The Barrel

2009-01-19T21:39:00.002+11:00

Today school resumed.
And the blog title says it all really...it is the beginning of ladder climbing, not by choice of course, but by circumstance. =P

I hope this fear of sleeping in lectures as I may miss something vital which might save someone's life one day thing sticks. I really do.
This may sound completely craptastic.. but it finally hit me that I chose a path with many serious responsibilities, especially since just four years ago, the thought of responsibilities made me run.

This summer was one of many epiphanies. Realising I had grown up was one of them.

It is time to roll up one's sleeves and get to work, have a purpose and stay focus on it.

Human Festivities & Drama Drama Drama!

2009-01-02T22:34:00.006+11:00

So the MIA status has been due to such festivities that I hope the rest of the world still shares with me, because it's a strange, changing place out there.

I spent the Christmas season carolling with some friends, it is what we do every year. Now before you think of those annoying and cheese-filled jolly santa hats that rock up to people's homes in movies, no, we did not do that. We only sung where we were invited and welcomed. :)

We didn't go away this year and usually, that would mean NYE went uncelebrated. However, I was determined to be out of this house this time. At least in the beginning. A certain houseparty, a certain park near the harbour to watch the fireworks...yet, intertia kicked in, I got lazy (partially heat-inspired, the day was a stinker!). So, I spent the NYE at home, yet again.
The good thing about that though, was that it strengthened my resolve to stop ditching friends last minute in the new year.. and so far, so good!:)

With less than two weeks left before school starts again, must make the most of the summer.
Happy new year!

Basket Full Of Lilies

2008-12-17T14:52:00.005+11:00

So this is what I've been doing all last night and today. And no, I am not folding this for my own enjoyment nor do I get kicks out of creasing paper. Flowers are made to be given of course. :)
I've been MIA for awhile because with Christmas around the corner, things are crazy and everything screams your attention.

And in between, I've been getting nightmares with my impending release of end-of-year exam results. This compounds with my tendency to catastrophise and you get not a very pretty mindset. I am happy to say that all's well and I can finally prepare properly for Christmas without the thoughts of doom plaguing the mind.

Anyhow, now that the house is relatively tidier and cleaner, I'm very excited about making my own agar cake on Saturday! All this, and STILL haven't had time to do the shopping! >.<

Why Christmas is my favourite holiday:
- summer nights.
- fairy lights.
- carols, they never get old.
- family coming together.
- people seem happier this time of year.
- sharing more of your life with friends and loved ones, whether it is a meal, or a party, or a conversation.
- celebrating the Joy of joys, from whom all good things come! :)

Old Friends

2008-12-02T19:47:00.002+11:00

Met up with two of my good friends at the university I used to attend. They're both working and very much matured and moved on from the crazy clique-y antiques we used to get up to. It was a little bit surreal and, dare I say it, kind of sad to see how much time has passed and it's fun to look back fondly at the persons we used to be but the reality is, we no longer can be.

Now I'm just laughing at myself inside my own head because that was such a cheese-filled paragraph.

Anyway, in effort to salvage this post from the adolescent over-analysis, angsty "deep" genre, I shall go on a complaining rant.

So we were meant to head to the vineyard this week but alas, it never occured to us that you must book the tickets to get there in advance. And since none of our free days seem to match up for the rest of the week, it looks like a postponement (word?) till..
Who knows, I've never been any good at planning itineraries. Should seriously contemplate putting that down as a life skill to acquire.

Things to do:
- buy Christmas decorations, we are way behind schedule!
- find the summer cd

It's Official

2008-11-27T21:18:00.003+11:00

Yep, that's right. It's official. I cannot cook, bake, do anything that is remotely edible.
We had a little potluck get-together turned impromptu Thanksgiving meal today (it's not really a holiday here but whatever).

So there I was trying to make some apple turnovers the shortcut way i.e. buying premade puff pastry. At least the apples were real I guess...well as real as you can get, who knows what they grow them with these days considering chicken are fed steroids.

Anywho, so in the interest of saving time I thought I was smart by using baking paper because theoretically it shouldn't stick to the food goods right? Wrong. Twenty minutes after the oven, I was surgically removing the bottom layer of pastry as the paper has decided to not only adhere to it, but indefinitely marry itself to the pastry. Wonderful.

It didn't turn out too bad I guess..we still ate it. It's just not the most aesthetically appealing apple turnovers ever. Huh.

So there you have it. I'm a twenty-first century girl.
I'm quite sad, seeing as I believe in chivalry and therefore, should also subscribe to the woman-kitchen mantra. Don't get me wrong, I'm not supporting the domesticating of women because hell no, we're still trying to break the glass ceiling and I fully support that. I still think it's nice in awhile to play out traditional roles. For old times appreciation sake I guess.

Then the plan this holiday is definitely practise the cooking. Wish me luck!

Love This City

2008-11-25T23:16:00.004+11:00

So we've finished our exams and decided to hit the beach and engage in some good carnivorous meal. One of the best dine out I've had in a lonng time!

We strolled along the harbour with gelato that night and it dawned on me. I love this city. Wouldn't live anywhere else in the world..well, I guess that's a bit pretentious seeing as I haven't seen a lot of the rest of the world. Still love it though.

It's slower than NYC but not boring.

It's buzzing with people but you can still see the blue sky.

The beach is 20min from the CBD. Bah, I sound like an ad but here, a picture says a thousand words. It was taken by my friend, Shihui.

The Anomaly

2008-11-21T22:02:00.004+11:00

So for some reason the thought of old family photographs crossed my mind today. I found a whole bunch of old black and white ones complete with creases and yellowed edges pictures of my grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts. The ones I know, and the ones I've never known. Photos with friends, ones in military uniforms, portraits, family gatherings. It's a whole other life. It is strange to see them when they were young. It feels very far away. Maybe it reminds me of the fleeting passage of time.

Now, here's the anomaly: You ever notice how black and white photographs always lend themselves to great stories? There is a lingering nostalgia, a yearning for the past. There seems to be so much more to the story of a black and white photograph compared to a coloured one. Why is that?

Nostalgia

2008-11-18T00:05:00.003+11:00

Stuff I grew up with. 'Twas an awesome show!

When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit

2008-11-17T19:57:00.004+11:00

You'd think it's kinda creepy to name a children's novel with a reference to Hitler, but hey, I remember it to be a fantastic book about a Jewish girl growing up in Germany in the 1930s, having to relocate to France, and then only to move to Switzerland. All so that she can be alive.

We read it in sixth grade and it was probably the first time I learnt of modern European history and WWII. Thus, it begins my love for history. I'm not sure why I've always had a fascination with this period of history. Maybe it's the glorious military uniforms, maybe it's the combat stories, maybe it's Churchill's powerful speeches. Yet, let's not forget that Hitler was a great orator too.

Or maybe, it's the atrocity of the human capacity for hatred that has surpassed any comprehension and have always made me seek to understand how and why did this kind of carnage ever occured? And still, it happened. Because people became conditioned. Because good people did nothing.
I wonder if much has changed since then.

---------------------------

"In Germany, first they came for the Communist, and I didn't speak up, because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionist, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."
--Pastor Martin Niemoller (Nazi victim)

Universal Truth In An Age of Reason

2008-11-16T11:35:00.006+11:00

One of the things that really frustrates me about the modern popular philosophy is taking relativism to extreme. Yes, sure everyone have their own preference for dessert and what I like may not be what you like, but this doesn't mean that we live in our own vacuum of social and moral construct. If this was the case, who'd abide by traffic rules, or pay tax, and on the more scary level, what right does the court have to convict a man of murder if he personally believes this is the 'right' thing to do?

The very idea of 'justice' would become obsolete, amongst other things. In our very core, we know injustice to be wrong.
The notion of "what's right for you isn't what's right for me" does not apply always.
And yet, people subcribe to this mantra of moral relativism like some kind of revolutionary enlightenment in the history of the human story.

No, I am not saying that one should forcibly impose ideals at the expense of personal freedom as I have no wish to be a bureaucrat. I am saying that on a person-to-person level, I hope that we all care enough to realise for ourselves that there is something noble and honourable in pursuing and standing up for a cause and to reflect on the universal truth that all men are created with equal dignity; including the frail, the weak, the marginalised, the sick, the poor, and the unborn.

What's brought on this tangent? I came across this article. It's an interesting read.

Twenty-somethings Angst

2008-11-15T00:15:00.005+11:00

My two best friends came by today. They bought cakes. Yummy ones! It was nice to have dinner with them and have a mini-break from my current cram sessions. I don't even know WHY we have seven written exams when I really only do two "subjects" because of the integrated nature of the course. And they're long too!

Now before I slip into whiny undergrad student mode only to look back in four years at this post and get embarassed from the sulk fest, better stop self. Yes. Must.

So we had dinner and reminisce about how much time has passed. How everything's changed and nothing's changed at all. Heh.
Bunch of twenty-somethings 'reflecting' on life after high school. Deep. Classic.
What a Dawson's Creek-ish episode.

And yet, I cannot help it. I am older and now that I think about it, if I had gone back in time to ask my fifteen year-old self where do I see myself in _____ years from now, I realised that I am exactly where I wanted to be.
Still at uni. tick
Doing what I enjoy. tick
..and a few other ticks that I won't mention here.

I'm looking forward to summer. Not so much the heat and humidity we witnessed today, but just more the thought of lazing around knowing it's the holidays. There's nothing like Christmas Eve on a summer's night. I love this country. Iwant to see more of it.

Ear Candy

2008-11-13T11:00:00.002+11:00

O Happy Day

2008-11-12T20:01:00.004+11:00

So I received an email from a good friend today containing happy news. Beautiful news!
Every once in awhile, one hears of some selfless deed, sacrificial love, an immense act of courage and it really brightens one's day, one's outlook on an arguably bleak situation that the advanced telecommunications of our time churns out for us every day on TV or the radio.

The good news have nothing to do with me directly, yet I am elated nonetheless. :)

On another note, I have started reading Utopia again.
I wonder why people often fail to see that philosophical mores of our time are hardly new, nor groundbreaking, nor revolutionary but mere confirmation of ancient ideas and predictions that have shown to be farcical.
We have so much to learn of history, if only we made the time to look.
And then perhaps we will be awaken with what we find.

---------------------

NOPLACIA was once my name,

That is, a place where no one goes.

Plato's Republic now I claim

To match, or beat at its own game;

For that was just a myth in prose,

But what he wrote of, I became,

Of men, wealth, laws a solid frame,

A place where every wise man goes;

GOPLACIA is now my name.

Yes We Can!

2008-11-11T20:47:00.002+11:00

Perhaps it's just me, but all the recent Obama rhetoric have only reminded me that his now infamous catchphrase has been done here.

Cute.

Academic Pursuits

2008-11-04T21:35:00.002+11:00

So, after a period of AWOL not long after I initiated this thing, I'm back. Yes, it is now STUVAC.
As I keep reminding myself of the contribution to society which I shall make lies in me actually learning stuff, I can't help but be drawn into tangents from events of the past few weeks.

So while I begrudgingly start on my lung cancer case for the week, silently sulking to self about the pains of reading AN ENTIRE chapter on neoplasia, I was greeted with the news that someone close was living out the reality of it all.

Lung cancer. Stage 4.

This started my existential contemplation for the week. In between two funerals and the aforementioned news, I ponder the solitude of being human. We are such communal creatures, we live in villages, aggregate in towns, build cities, establish governance and write constitutions. We gather to celebrate successes. Yet, the most defining moments in our lives, are experienced alone. Birth and death.

It's a mystery. An inexplainable truth.

What's a life if it is not pursued with love and meaning, none at all.

And so it is reminded to me one Sunday: death is change, a new beginning to our eternal end.
It is so easy to be told when it is detached from our own lives. In the confrontation, we often forget and fear take precedent. It is not until we are reminded that peace replaces such restlessness.
How good it is to have a constant in one's life!

Thai Centric

2008-10-14T19:12:00.002+11:00

So as I'm slowly submerging in an abyss of 8-pound textbooks, stacks of free stationery collected from medical conferences and too many dried-up coffee-stained mugs, we went to have Thai today. It was surprisingly good and a cute little place with great ambience. The swiftness in which the food arrived was a bonus and very very VERY welcomed (seeing as I snoozed passed the alarm this morning and came late to path lab - i.e. NO BREAKFAST).

I subsequently spent that lab wacking friends in the arms and elbows (intead of doing histology) trying to gauge a reflex response past the mass of muscles. It doesn't help when your friends are body builders and you can hardly stick a laptop charger into the power socket contra-gravity (I know, the level of fitness is highly questionable).

I've begun to re-indulge in period dramas- BBC style. It's my signpost that end-of-year exams are fast approaching and I'm really walking around with a ticking clock in the head. My thoughts wander and meander through the archives of my life. I found this guy.

Apologies that it is blurry - I was young, naive, and apparently deficient in camera skills.
His name is Xuderuf and he was my pet turtle for 3 months when his carer left him with me for a Europe trip and I became the interim carer. I miss this little guy. I hope he's doing mighty fine these days.

The Inaugural Post

2008-10-11T23:35:00.001+11:00

I've been meaning to start a blog for a long while. I have much to say and muse over, just not in this moment.
Perhaps there isn't much to say on a quiet weekend when you're at home with a cup of coffee and tofu for dinner.
I suppose there comes a time in everyone's life when we reach a crossroad, and this could be mine. There is no major life-altering career change, no drastic relocation, no newfound responsibilites. Yet, it is this sameness that my life is contrasted with those of my dear friends who are approaching many milestones in their life. I begin to wonder -
This blog was meant to be general and obscure. Maybe I just can't do general and obscure. Another time perhaps.